Guardian Response Guide
Structure of This Page
The first step in responding to the incident is ‘understanding your child’.
The first step in responding to the incident is ‘understanding your child’.
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Mother of an ‘Online Grooming’ Victim
“When I first found out about it, I actually hit them on the back and head a few times. I regretted it so much afterward. Even I had that kind of perspective. 'If only you hadn't logged on there...' Even as a mother, I viewed it that way. But after counseling with the professionals, my perspective shifted to realizing my child was a victim of bad adults who had spun a web and were waiting. From then on, I regained my senses and focused on my child's recovery. If it were now, I think I would have hugged my child a lot. I would have held them tight, just held them without saying a word. I would have told them, ‘You must have been so scared, it must have been so hard.’”
Source: [Chang Plus] 14-year-old caught in online grooming... "Send a photo, because I love you". KBS News, Sept. 25, 2022
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'What children or youth fear most is their parents finding out about the incident'
After experiencing abuse, children or youth find it difficult to confess what happened for fear that their guardians will find out and scold them or be disappointed. In fact, many victims say the perpetrator's threat of 'I will tell your parents' was the most terrifying. For a child to inform their guardian of the incident and ask for help is an act that required considerable courage and determination. Therefore, it is important for guardians to encourage their child's courage and warmly reassure them, rather than blaming or scolding them.
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Holding the ‘perpetrator accountable for the fault and responsibility’
When an online grooming incident occurs, as in the article above, parents often tend to blame their child's actions, thinking, If only you hadn't logged onto the chat app or If only you hadn't sent the photo. In the case of online grooming, perpetrators approach with the intention of sexual exploitation from the beginning and use cunning psychological methods, making it difficult for children to easily recognize the crime. Therefore, you must recognize that the responsibility for the incident lies not with your child, but with the perpetrator who approached the child or youth for the purpose of sexual exploitation.
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3
Reassuring them by saying, "It's not your fault!" or "You must have been so scared and had such a hard time!"
When a guardian first learns of the incident involving their child, they may react out of shock by interrogating or blaming the child. However, if such a reaction occurs during the process of handling the incident, the child may feel they are not being protected and is highly likely to hide the incident or take a defensive attitude later on. Therefore, before responding to the situation, it is necessary to first comfort the emotions of the child, who must have been shocked and anxious, and reassure them that they are safely protected.
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The best prevention method is ‘becoming a parent they can ask for help anytime’
Children or youth can be exposed to harmful situations again. The most important prevention method against recurrence is not unilaterally controlling your child's behavior, but forming a relationship where your child can inform their guardian of the incident without fear and ask for help after an incident occurs.
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Understanding Adolescent Children of the ‘Digital Native’ Generation
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‘Sexual curiosity’ is a natural reaction.
① ‘Sexual curiosity’ is a natural reaction.Developmental characteristics of adolescence
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Adolescence is a period when sexual curiosity intensifies, and sexual interest is a natural phenomenon in the developmental process.
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Because adolescence is heavily influenced by peer relationships, they sometimes participate in risky behaviors out of a desire for jokes among friends, challenges, or a sense of belonging.
Ex) All my friends were doing it, so I tried it too, I didn't know this was a crime
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They are accustomed to ‘online communication’.
② They are accustomed to ‘online communication’.Cultural characteristics of the digital native generation
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The digital native generation is a generation that has grown up amidst smartphones, the internet, and social media since birth. If the parent generation learned about the world and formed relationships through books and television, the child generation is learning about the world through a new language called ‘digital’. Thus, for youth, the digital space is a ‘part of life’ just as important as reality.
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Because the digital native generation forms online-centered social relationships, they primarily communicate through chat apps, open chat rooms, and social media. It is natural for your child to communicate with people online.
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It is the fault of the ‘perpetrators and a sociocultural environment’ that consumes and disseminates illegally filmed materials.
③ It is the fault of the ‘perpetrators and a sociocultural environment’ that consumes and disseminates illegally filmed materials.Sociocultural characteristics
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Against the sociocultural backdrop where illegally filmed materials are widely consumed and disseminated, perpetrators approach children or youth with the purpose of sexual exploitation and commit crimes. As long as there are people who watch and consume these materials, criminals will continuously threaten our children.
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Communication in online spaces allows for easily forming intimacy with strangers based on anonymity, and perpetrators use this as an excuse to disguise their identity, approach, and then commit sexual exploitation crimes. Because perpetrators' methods are cunning, it is not easy to recognize their methods from the start. Therefore, it is not our children's fault, but the fault of the perpetrators who exploit the psychology of children or youth to commit crimes.
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How to Cope
How to Cope
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Conversing in an environment1
where your child can feel at ease -
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Understanding the incident2
and securing evidence -
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Reporting to the police and requesting help3
from victim support organizations -
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Making efforts together4
for your child's recovery
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1
Conversing in an environment where your child can feel at ease
① Create a reassuring environmentHow to communicate with your child
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Empathize with the shocked child's feelings and express gratitude for telling the truth
“You must have been so shocked, thank you for telling me", "It must have been hard all by yourself, thank you for telling me honestly” -
Let them know it is not their fault and that the perpetrator is the one who did wrong
“It's not your fault", "Don't blame yourself” -
If you raised your voice or showed agitated behavior during the resolution process, apologize
“I think I yelled because I panicked since it's the first time experiencing this. You must have been very shocked by me yelling, I'm sorry” -
Warmly hug them and reassure them
“It must have been so hard for you alone. You don't have to worry anymore”
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Understanding the incident details and securing evidence
② Understand the situation and secure evidenceUnderstanding the incident details
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When asking questions to understand the situation, explain that it is a process to ascertain the facts and solve the problem, not an interrogation
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Date and location (internet platform) where the incident occurred, type of victimization (illegal filming, online grooming, deepfake, etc.)
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Specific details of the incident (sending body photos, blackmail, offline abuse, etc.), perpetrator information, etc.
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If the child struggles during the conversation, allow them to take a short break and do not persistently ask again
Securing evidence of the incident
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Collecting evidence materials: Captures of conversations with the perpetrator, original victim-related images/videos, URLs of disseminated sites, witness statements, circumstantial evidence, etc.
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Reporting to the police
③ Reporting to the Police-
Report to the police after collecting evidence materials
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Visit a Sunflower Center or the police station with jurisdiction near your residence (Civil Services Center or Women and Juvenile Affairs Division)
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Report internet cybercrime at https://ecrm.police.go.kr/minwon/main
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Inquiries related to police reports (Police Civil Complaint Call 182, School Violence Report 117)
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Applying for monitoring and deletion support to the Digital Sexual Crime Victim Support Center
④ Apply for monitoring and deletion support-
Securing the victim-related images/videos (before dissemination): Monitoring support
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Securing the URL of the disseminated site (after dissemination): Deletion support
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Receiving investigation, legal, and psychological support through support organizations
⑤ Investigative, legal, and psychological support from support organizations-
You can receive integrated support through the Regional Digital Sexual Crime Victim Support Center
Counseling support, investigative support, legal support, medical/recovery support, financial support (treatment costs, emergency living expenses, etc.)
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Work together for your child's recovery
⑥ Efforts for Your Child's Recovery-
The most important factor in your child's recovery from the incident is the attention and care of parents and family members. Through the emotional stability of feeling protected by their family during the incident resolution process, they can gradually recover their trust in the world and others.
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Parents need counseling too!!
Parents also experience great shock and confusion regarding the incident involving their child. Accordingly, parents also need emotional care, and a child's recovery begins with the parents' recovery. Parents receiving counseling is not due to 'parental inadequacy', but is a process for the recovery of the child and the family.
Parents can also experience ‘psychological trauma’.
The mere fact that their child has been victimized can evoke feelings of loss, guilt, anger, and shame in parents. If these emotions are not properly addressed, they can lead to highly emotional reactions toward the child or over-controlling behaviors. Therefore, it is necessary to process these distressing emotions through counseling.
Learn ways for your family to recover.
Parents must be emotionally stable for the child's psychological recovery to take place. Through counseling, you can reduce reactions that are harmful to your child (e.g., pressuring, avoiding, or excessively controlling them) and learn helpful ways to speak and act. Furthermore, severe trauma can escalate from an individual child's problem into a crisis for the entire family. Counseling helps restore the parent-child relationship, improve family communication, and prevent secondary traumatic stress in siblings.
Organizations where you can get help
Organizations where you can get help
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1 Regional Digital Sexual Crime Victim Support Center ① Regional Digital Sexual Crime Victim Support Center
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Counseling support, investigative support, legal support, medical/recovery support, financial support (treatment costs, emergency living expenses, etc.)
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2 Women's Emergency Hotline 1366 ② Women's Emergency Hotline 1366
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Call 1366 without an area code or search for ‘Cyber Counseling for Violence Against Women’ on KakaoTalk
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Counseling available 24/7, 365 days a year, can be linked to Digital Sexual Crime Victim Support Centers nationwide
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3 Organizations in your local area where you can get help ③ Organizations in your local area where you can get help
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1. Sexual Violence Counseling Center: Free investigation, legal, and psychological support
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2. Youth Counseling and Welfare Center: Youth counseling, medical support, emergency rescue, and protection
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3. Sexuality Education & Counseling Center for Youth: Children or youth sex education, sexual counseling, parent education and counseling
Find Ministry of Gender Equality and Family (MOGEF) facilities:
https://www.mogef.go.kr/inc/fs_fsc_s003.do
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4 Digital Sexual Crime Prevention Education ‘DIGITAL CLEAN (DICLE)’ ④ Digital Sexual Crime Prevention Education ‘DIGITAL CLEAN (DICLE)’
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Digital sexual crime education, provides customized videos by age group
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Women's Human Rights Institute of Korea (WHRIK)